I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Everyone says I win the strip club
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
