Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
