halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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