I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
