It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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