hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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