Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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