ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
