just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
