Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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