Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
