i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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