woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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