I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
