make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
