Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
