Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
