I just made out with a guy for $7.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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