we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
