Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
