it wasn't lemon gatorade
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
