Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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