I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
