It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
