Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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