As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
