We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
