i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
