Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize