so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize