I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
