I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
