It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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