i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
