I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
