so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
