I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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