If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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