And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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