I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Found the puke drawer
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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