I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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