im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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