just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
