My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
