Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize