This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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