recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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