the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
