you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
