some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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