it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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