In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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