the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize
