i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
