I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
