just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
