so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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