Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
