??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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