so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
