Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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