I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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