The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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