Where did you get a picture of my penis
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
