seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
