No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize