my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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