I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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