Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
