When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
