needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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