Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Mom said you looked used
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
