I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
