woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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