College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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