woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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