Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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