Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
