Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
