Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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