im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
as a side note pls kill me
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