i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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