Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
