we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize