Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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