The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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