I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Even my vagina gasped.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize