I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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