you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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