ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
