I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
