Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
