Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
COCAINE IS GR8
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
