On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
