I just saw a hot homeless man
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
