This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
