are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
