Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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