Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
