I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you never un-have a 4some
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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