i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
