I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if only i could text you this smell
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
