My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
