So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
