also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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