period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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