I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
my poor anus
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have already put on my inside pants.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
